The Guy Code

The Guy Code

The Guy CodeWe’ve compiled the ultimate guy’s guide to the laws of manhood.

Do not have sex with your boy’s ex

Having sexual relations with your friend’s ex-girlfriend amounts to the worst treason in all of mankind. In some circles, it is regarded as such a treasonous act that even staying in touch with your friend’s ex might see you cut off by your boys. Don’t call her, don’t be her friend, don’t console her once she and your boy have broken up.

Honour the visa

All men in relationships must surely understand the significance of a visa. This is a one-night pass for men to get together as guys to do manly stuff. Do not bring your woman to a visa night-out, it ruins the entire evening for everyone. Because of you, your friends might have to watch what they say, how they act; basically, they have to behave as though they are on a date and not a boys’ night.

Don’t finger the beer from the bar

Sticking your fingers in some of the beers to help carry the load back to the table takes you back to that early unhygienic growing-up phase where you used to have to share a quart, and germs, with your friends. Don’t do it. Ask for help. Anyone would rather help you carry than have the taste of your fingers in every sip.

Do not give out your boy’s whereabouts

If your boy’s wife or partner calls you asking about her man’s whereabouts, you must always say, “He was just here.” This is part of being a good friend. You cover for your boy until you find out where, exactly, he is. Otherwise, you could be an accomplice in breaking up a happy home.

Do not be stingy with your “black book”

Men are, by their very nature, greedy. Once you’re married, giving your friends the numbers of your one-night stands and flings (note no exes) demonstrates to your friends that you are truly committed to your family and will earn you lots of respect among your peers.

Do not leave without paying for your portion of the bill

There is a growing tendency among some men to come to the table empty-handed. This was unheard of before. Men have always prided themselves on being providers, but now some men seem to need to be provided for – by other men. They are usually really loud at the table and order the best whiskey on the menu but always leave in a hurry to somewhere else, making other men settle their bill. If you don’t have money to pay, say so beforehand. Or, like some of us, decline the meeting all together, even if it’s just to save face.

No one wants to know your pillow talk

Some things are best left in the bedroom between you and your missus. No man wants to know what goes on behind your closed doors. Being a man also means knowing what to say, when to say it, and to whom, and where.

Be a man

What this means is you must take care of your responsibilities quietly. Don’t bring your feelings to the bar and whine and expect your guy friends to hand you a tissue. Being a man means finding solutions, not complaining about your problems. If you must complain, do it in the comfort of your home, with your spouse who understands that.